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03.19.08 (5:08 am)   [edit]
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization" , a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.





Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"





Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"





Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "



Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"



Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"



Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.





Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.



He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
 
 
03.19.08 (4:53 am)   [edit]
Some funny lines~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


ROMANCE MATHEMATICS


Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


********



OFFICE ARITHMETIC


Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


********

SHOPPING MATH


A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


********

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


********

HAPPINESS


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.


********

LONGEVITY


Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.


********

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


********

DISCUSSION T! ECHNIQUE


A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


********

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED


Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing
the same thing to them at funerals.


********
 
03.19.08 (4:42 am)   [edit]
 
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a
guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not
to admit you into the    Kingdom of Heaven ?" The guy replies, "I'm Joe
Cohen, taxi driver, from New York ."  Saint Peter consults his list. He
smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff
and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ." Now it's the priest's turn. He stands
erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint
Mary's for the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list. He
says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the
Kingdom of Heaven ." "Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi
driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?" "Results,"
shrugged Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept. When he drove,
people prayed."
Moral of the story:
It's Performance and Not the Position that Counts.
 
03.19.08 (4:27 am)   [edit]
Answer the phone by LEFT ear.
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.
Do not take pills with COOL water.
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm.
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.
Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night.
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS.
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning.
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping.
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times.

Forward this to those whom you CARE about!
 
03.19.08 (3:58 am)   [edit]
TEN WORDS... 4 ALL


Most Poisonous 3 letters "EGO"
Kill It.

Most used 4 letters "LOVE"
Value It.

Most Pleasing 5 letters "SMILE"
Keep It.

Fastest Spreading 6 letters "RUMOUR"
Ignore It.

Hard Working 7 letters "SUCCESS"
Achieve It.

Most Enviable 8 letters "JEALOUSY"
Distance It.

 

LOVING FRIEND

11.01.07 (12:06 am)   [edit]

myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics 


 

Differences between love and like  :)
myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics


 
In front of the person you love, your heart beats faster
But in front of the person you like , you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring
But in front of the person you like, winter is just a beautiful winter.

If you look into the eyes of the one you love, you blush
But if you look into the eyes of the one you like, you smile.

In front of the person you love, you can' t say everything on your mind
But in front of the person you like, you can.

In front of the person you love, you tend to get shy
But in front of the person you like, you can show your ownself.

Then person you love comes into your mind every 2 minutes.
You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you love
But you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.

When the one you love is crying, you cry with them
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.

The feeling of love starts from the eye
And the feeling of like starts from the ear.

So if you stop liking a person you used to like
All you need to do is cover your ears,
But if you try to close your eyes
Love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever after."The most selfish 1 letter "I"
Avoid It.


Most Poisonous 3 letters "EGO"
Kill It.

Most used 4 letters "LOVE"
Value It.

Most Pleasing 5 letters "SMILE"
Keep It.

Fastest Spreading 6 letters "RUMOUR"
Ignore It.

Hard Working 7 letters "SUCCESS"
Achieve It.

Most Enviable 8 letters "JEALOUSY"
Distance It.

 

LOVING FRIEND

11.01.07 (12:06 am)   [edit]

myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics 

Differences between love and like  :)
myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics


 

In front of the person you love, your heart beats faster
But in front of the person you like , you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring
But in front of the person you like, winter is just a beautiful winter.

If you look into the eyes of the one you love, you blush
But if you look into the eyes of the one you like, you smile.

In front of the person you love, you can' t say everything on your mind
But in front of the person you like, you can.

In front of the person you love, you tend to get shy
But in front of the person you like, you can show your ownself.

Then person you love comes into your mind every 2 minutes.
You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you love
But you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.

When the one you love is crying, you cry with them
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.

The feeling of love starts from the eye
And the feeling of like starts from the ear.


Most Poisonous 3 letters "EGO"
Kill It.

Most used 4 letters "LOVE"
Value It.

Most Pleasing 5 letters "SMILE"
Keep It.

Fastest Spreading 6 letters "RUMOUR"
Ignore It.

Hard Working 7 letters "SUCCESS"
Achieve It.

Most Enviable 8 letters "JEALOUSY"
Distance It.

 

LOVING FRIEND

11.01.07 (12:06 am)   [edit]

myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics 


 

Differences between love and like  :)
myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics


 
In front of the person you love, your heart beats faster
But in front of the person you like , you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring
But in front of the person you like, winter is just a beautiful winter.

If you look into the eyes of the one you love, you blush
But if you look into the eyes of the one you like, you smile.

In front of the person you love, you can' t say everything on your mind
But in front of the person you like, you can.

In front of the person you love, you tend to get shy
But in front of the person you like, you can show your ownself.

Then person you love comes into your mind every 2 minutes.
You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you love
But you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.

When the one you love is crying, you cry with them
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.

The feeling of love starts from the eye
And the feeling of like starts from the ear.

So if you stop liking a person you used to like
All you need to do is cover your ears,
But if you try to close your eyes
Love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever after.So if you stop liking a person you used to like
All you need to do is cover your ears,
But if you try to close your eyes
Love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever after.
 
03.19.08 (3:54 am)   [edit]

 
generous lawyer
03.18.08 (3:43 am)   [edit]
Generous Lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
 
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
 
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
 
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
 
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
 
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
 
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
 
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
 
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
 
enjoy
03.18.08 (2:59 am)   [edit]
 
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a
guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not
to admit you into the    Kingdom of Heaven ?" The guy replies, "I'm Joe
Cohen, taxi driver, from New York ."  Saint Peter consults his list. He
smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff
and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ." Now it's the priest's turn. He stands
erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint
Mary's for the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list. He
says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the
Kingdom of Heaven ." "Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi
driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?" "Results,"
shrugged Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept. When he drove,
people prayed."
Moral of the story:
It's Performance and Not the Position that Counts.